{"id":880,"date":"2020-10-30T15:53:02","date_gmt":"2020-10-30T13:53:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ramblingrabbit.co.za\/?page_id=880"},"modified":"2020-10-30T15:53:02","modified_gmt":"2020-10-30T13:53:02","slug":"random-words-create-books","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/ramblingrabbit.co.za\/di\/random-words-create-books\/","title":{"rendered":"Random Words Create Books"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

My dream since I was a little girl, was to write a book. When I was in my teens I always told my Mum that my first book would be dedicated to her…since this is my platform, I will create the pages of my story here…who knows, maybe one day it will be a book…<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n
For my mother…<\/strong><\/em><\/h5>\n\n\n\n
To the world you were a Mother but to me <\/span>\u2026you were the world.<\/strong><\/em><\/h5>\n\n\n\n

It is quiet… Complete silence, with swaying trees in luscious evergreen.  It’s one of those beautiful, late, laidback summer afternoons. I look through the window and see a man busy cleaning a pool. He gazes calmly down at the water, almost like in a trance, while his scoop is gliding back and forth…back and forth…gathering leaves from the pool’s surface.  Weird\u2026the pool looks more like a big fish pond or a small lake, with lilies and leaves floating around in brown, murky water. Funny design for a pool, but then again who am I to judge \u2013 at least they have a pool! Suddenly, the man puts down the long scoop and disappears through a door entering the house. Huh, looks like I\u2019m on my own again, alone, in this big room…house\u2026shed, where exactly am I? A wave of urgency unexpectedly rippled through my brain, followed by a mist of desolation and despair. It filled my soul with sadness. I was immediately aware that I’ve been here for quite some time now, waiting\u2026I’ve got a home…filled with people, dogs and\u2026yes and a pig! I have wasted enough time! Anxiety and concern clenched my heart, like an iron fist\u2026I must get home. NOW<\/strong>! I investigated my surroundings for the first time, and now you will have to hold on to your hats, because this rollercoaster (i.e. My life) is about to depart\u2026I noticed I am in a fish tank\u2026I will say that again and slower\u2026I am in a F_I_S_H T_A_N_K, an aquarium. You know, four walls of class, filled with water\u2026and fish, people keep them as \u2018decoration\u2019 or pets, usually in their living rooms, because it\u2019s apparently, pretty? The window I have been looking through the whole afternoon, was not a window at all, but the actual front of the aquarium.  This is like the Twilight Zone (ah, you remember that series?).  I am surrounded by water,and well, I assume I’m swimming\u2026what\u2019s the fish lingo for treading water? I seem to be a fish\u2026with fins and scales\u2026a nice funky, shiny blue, just like Dory<\/em><\/strong> in Finding Nemo<\/em><\/strong>!!!  (only later will I realize the irony of this \u2013 ah life\u2019s attempt of making a joke) Logic…and well, plain common sense, tells me this must be a dream\u2026right? As I am gasping in shock (not sure if fish can actually gasp\u2026) and trying to figure out, what the hell was going on; the man from earlier is outside again, faffing around the pool, lake or fishpond (whatever it is supposed to be!). He is carrying a small, steel bucket and scattering something into the water. Looks exactly like someone feeding\u2026fish…so then the body of water has to be a big fishpond, and deep in my gut, I just feel…no I know that man is a vet! Frantically I flap, flip and flop, swimming back and forth, to attract some attention.  Surprised?\u2026He didn’t even glance in my direction, let alone, notice a little, blue fish, getting a berserker fit in the aquarium!  I screamed until my voice was hoarse and I, completely out of breath. He just kept on having a conversation with the water (or whatever was under the water) in a calm and soothing manner. I smashed my fists as hard as possible against the front glass panel, but my movements were heavy and slowed down under the water. Great! The vet (I have decided he must be one) noticed absolutely nothing and not even once did it cross my mind…how the hell is it possible for a fish to scream underwater??  I swam down to the bottom of the tank and from the corner of my eye I saw, what looked like, a black hole in the corner.  Mmmmm…curiouser and curiouser, I think, only way weirder than Alice\u2019s Wonderland… I went closer to get a better look, and swam deeper into the blackness of the hole\u2026It’s a dark and narrow corridor with no end in sight.  So of course, I want to see where it ends up, besides, the aquarium was freaking me out. The other fish have started glaring at me, after my frantic stunts to get the Vet\u2019s attention. After hours\u2026maybe days, maybe an eternity, (I just don\u2019t know) the corridor started getting wider and, in the distance, I could see an opening, an exit!!! I started swimming faster and the next thing I knew, I\u2019m out of the narrow corridor and in an open body of water! Yip, this is the pond I saw earlier! I looked up and saw the clear blue sky just beyond the surface!  Freedom!!  My little fins flapped as I swam faster than a bullet from a gun! It was getting closer! The beautiful blue sky above me changed from faded blue to a luxurious cobalt and all of a sudden the resistance of the water was gone!  I shot out and broke the surface of the water, like an arrow shattering blue crystal…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Plop!! Like a lead balloon, I fall on the cold tiles in a very ungracious manner. Huh? Where is all the water?  Mother trucker! That hurt! My whole left leg feels like it exploded from the impact when hitting the floor and a mind-numbing pain ripples through my body.  Ouch!   The icy cold tiles under my ass convince me, that this is not my room. I\u2019m trying to see where the hell I am, but my eyes are just freaking me out! I can make out a jumbled haze of colors and light, scrambled looking like a puzzle, but with all the pieces in the wrong place. WTF?  I must have partied like a legend last night to wake up this wasted!  What the hell did we drink?? I venture and unsure “Hello?” to see if there is anyone around that can help me, get up from the floor!! FFS I\u2019m trying, but I am so hungover and broken that I can barely manage to move my legs.  I must stop drinking and wasting my life like this, I am 40 FFS! Whose house is this anyway?  I’m trying to remember any detail of last night. If I can remember where I was last or even who I was with, I might be able to figure out where I ended up. I call again but no answer or any noise\u2026knowing my friends, and waking up feeling like this, I assume they are still all passed out and sleeping it off.  Shhhh! I hear something\u2026soft whispering voices…. there is someone just outside this room. I can\u2019t hear what they\u2019re saying. Urgh!!! Focus and open your eyes dammit!! Why is everything I see still a messy puzzle? Worse still, one of the voices I heard sounds like a male and by the cold tile pressing against my bare ass cheek, I can tell I don\u2019t have any underwear on!! Eish! Last night must have been one of those crazy, legendary nights\u2026before I can utter a word or warning, the door flings open and I hear a stern women’s voice: “Why are you lying on the floor again??!! I\u2019ve told you! You can\u2019t walk around!… Tsk! Just keep an eye on this one this one guys! She\u2019s a real fighter, feisty and hardegat, but deep down, she is as gentle as a lamb with a heart of gold”… I’m super confused: WHO IS SHE TALKING TO? WHERE AM I? WHY CAN’T I SEE!<\/strong> WTF? Is she talking about me? I try to say something, but no sound escape from my lips.  I need to see what the hell is going on instead of this jumbled mess!  I feel strong hands lifting me up and guiding my body, back up on the bed. I don\u2019t even have any strength in me to assist whoever is doing it, just a scorching pain shooting up from my legs throughout my body like a bolt of lightning. I wish I knew words to explain that pain, but I think they don\u2019t exist in any language. I try to say something again and only manage raw scratchy croaks from the back of my throat.  I am rolled onto a narrow bed, but I still can’t see or talk and I assume it\u2019s a gurney as they start carting me in a direction.  I think I must\u2019ve fallen asleep because the next moment vmy bed slams against a steel surface. I know it’s steel, because my open back also slammed into it. I don\u2019t hear voices anymore, but it sounds like traffic outside?… I’m in a vehicle? Must be, but I won\u2019t be able to tell you where I am or where I\u2019m going because I*can\u2019t*fucking*see!!!  Blink. I am inside a lift or at least I think so. My vision is a little different now. Images are clearer, with more contrast, but still like a puzzle assembled wrong. It all looks deurmekaar<\/em>, like looking through a kaleidoscope, images are not only multiple, but they are all in the wrong place. So, I assume it\u2019s a lift because the panel with buttons looks like the ones you see in a lift. There seems to be an oxygen tank and mask mounted next to it\u2026What?  Am I dreaming? Everything is so surreal, and yet something inside me is screaming that this is real…a kind of urgency gnawing at the back of my mind, warning me to be careful\u2026 Blink. Now I\u2019m in a white room bursting with bright sunlight. I hear a man saying, “I am leaving today.  Move her to my room, it’s a corner ward, quiet and close to the bathrooms and gym”\u2026 Blink. It’s quiet now and I seem to be alone. I try to look around, but it\u2019s all just broken into pieces and scrambled in the wrong order.  I close my eyes and try to figure out what happened. Let\u2019s start with what I do know. I know I\u2019m experiencing discomfort (it feels as if my upper teeth was switched with my bottom teeth\u2026) I get that weird bolt of pain when I move, but only if I move, and I can\u2019t make any sense of what my eyes see. I look at the window and see the whole window with a mounted TV on the wall to the left, that same TV mounted in the middle of the window and again to the right of the middle one, but overlapping the middle one. The basin and tap under the TV I can see in the upper right, lower right, the middle and to the left of that same window. What I don’t know is where the fuck I am. Nobody has acknowledged my existence or try and explain anything to me.  It\u2019s like I don\u2019t exist at all\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n
\n
\n

Blink. E is sitting beside my bed. Thank God! Even though we’re divorcing and have been separated several years, this is the first familiar face I see!  “Hello…?”  I’m hesitant.  My voice sounds raspy\u2026different, but at least I can vocalize!  Finally, I can get answers and find out what the hell is going on! Immediately I start with an onslaught of questions, firing away like a machine gun! “What is this place?…How did I get here?…What are you doing here?… What am I doing here?” Something\u2019s wrong. He looks worried. Tired? Amused?… I don\u2019t know, but I\u2019ve only seen his face look like this once before\u2026and that was when he had to tell me some upsetting, bad news.  I see his lips moving, hear words forming sentences, broken up by long pauses of silence but all I remember from that first conversation is this: “You’re in the hospital\u2026” Please be patient with me reader, I know this particular path of my journey is a confused mess, but I am trying my best, to arrange the snippets of the past, in the correct order. Unfortunately, the memories of my stay in rehab, is just a heap of junk inside my head.  So this conversation might have been the first day, it might have been when I was there for 2 weeks already, or it might just be a conversation that was repeated several times over several weeks. I do however know that the words of that conversation, will forever be etched into my brain\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

“Why am I in hospital. What am I doing here?\u201d He looks at me with exhausted eyes, smiles sadly and sighs like someone who has answered this question, more than once.  “Remember J… I told you this already, you were in an accident?” I\u2019m shocked, but at least it explains the hospital bed\u2026I was starting to worry that I\u2019ve gone crazy and was locked in an asylum. I can\u2019t remember anything about an accident though, “Is my car OK?” <\/em> I asked worried.  <\/em>Shit, I hope the damage is not too bad! I don\u2019t have money to fix it and even less for a new one! Just my luck that this should happen right before Christmas, FML! Again, that weird look flickers across E’s face. It’s a mixture of fatigue, sadness, anger and….fatality.  That’s my best description.  I think he was only tired of answering the same questions, repeatedly, but to be honest, I was still too \u2018slow\u2019 to comprehend.<\/em>  “No J, a bike accident. Remember?” Whaaaaaat? Hang on! On my bike? Huh? Where? What the hell happened??   Slowly, emphasising every word, I ask, \u201cI was in a bike accident??  With MY bike???  What happened?” Now I am confused and I want to know what’s going on. I need answers dammit!  “Yes, your bike J.  You and B were leaving Woodcutter’s and\u2026you fell” he said.  Nope. I simply don’t believe it.  In all my years of riding a motorcycle, I\u2019ve never had an accident! Seriously? I’m so shocked that I feel nauseated and confused, PLUS my fucking eyes are still seeing a kaleidoscope of mixed images and it\u2019s driving me nuts! Flabbergasted and stunned, I realize, I had an accident…with my bike, even though the first images in my head when I heard accident, was of me in my car and somebody hitting my left… I know him too well and I know he is not lying though. Worried I ask: “What does my bike look like? Is my bike at least ok?\u201d By the slight shaking of his head I can tell its bad news.  “The bike is fucked J.  Totally fucked” <\/em>he answers. OK\u2026He is just being E always exaggerating and being dramatic so I want a better description and ask again: \u201dFucked – like it\u2019s going to cost a lot of money to get it running again, or fucked \u2013 it\u2019s  just cosmetics or\u2026 fucked – like in, fucked-fucked?\u201d With this, he smiles and says: \u201cNope. It\u2019s fucked-fucked J, like it will never ride again, it does not even look like a bike anymore-fucked.\u201d  Mmmm, so this was sort of a serious accident, but I feel ok if I lie still, but that could also be drugs for pain and would explain why my vision is so screwed! With that conversation, I also learned that I was in a coma for a couple of weeks with bleeding on the brain and tubes in my head, in another hospital. I don\u2019t remember any of that. The last thing I remember was\u2026. what exactly is the last thing I remember? I don\u2019t remember\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My dream since I was a little girl, was to write a book. When I was in my teens I always told my Mum that my first book would be dedicated to her…since this is my platform, I will create the pages of my story here…who knows, maybe one day it will be a book… […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"pagelayer_contact_templates":[],"_pagelayer_content":"","footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-880","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ramblingrabbit.co.za\/di\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/880","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ramblingrabbit.co.za\/di\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ramblingrabbit.co.za\/di\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ramblingrabbit.co.za\/di\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ramblingrabbit.co.za\/di\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=880"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/ramblingrabbit.co.za\/di\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/880\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ramblingrabbit.co.za\/di\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=880"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}