Have you ever been in a situation where you felt like a scale? Just hanging in the balance? Swaying up and down between choices, –should I….shouldn’t I…..should I….shouldn’t I – hanging in suspended balance, not going anywhere. I sort of don’t want to say this. I don’t want to jinx it with this rabbit curse hanging over my head. Ah fuck… you know I’m going to say it anyway, otherwise we wouldn’t be here reading.
The thing is, though…there is this energy and I can feel it coursing through….nope, wrong word. I can feel it bubbling like champagne, through my veins, reaching my heart and filling it with eager antici….pation! Somewhere, behind the anticipation, a small, black ball of anxiety is jumping frantically up and down while screaming in a shrill, banshee voice: TURN AROUND!!
Did you hear something? I could’ve sworn I heard something… so anyway… I’m sitting outside, enjoying the cool breeze tickling my skin and admiring the deep, emerald green grass while looking at the calm, swinging branches of the trees. The melodious chirps of little birds fill the air… whooooooa!! Wait a minute! Hold on….. Shit! Apologies, what I meant to say was SHIT!!!! WTF am I doing? I hate birds and their constant noise pollution!
Shit! Shit! Shit! I know exactly what’s going on!!! Dammit! It’s happening again. And I was convinced the last time was just a stroke of blind luck or “special” qualities someone had or some magical powers that enchanted me. Don’t get me wrong. I’m grateful, elated, a bit freaked out… but also confident that I will be able to deal with it. Fuck who knows, maybe even… oops. Nearly slipped up there and said “happy,” but no worries, just a false alarm! I’m here, alert and still safe!
So let me say one thing. I what I wanted to anyway! It’s Wednesday! A breathtakingly beautiful day. A male pigeon is dancing, no, prancing around with puffed feathers, chest out…this cock is getting laid tonight baby! I feel…good. Not happy per se, but intrigued. I am at peace, but we know how that will end. Anyway, I’m still feeling bubbly but relaxed, calm, euphorically flushed with blissfully naïve fantasies. The best way to describe my current mood. I’m not even excited. I know the end of this story. BUT for the time being’:
Life is good.
Life is beautiful.
Again!
