Okie Dokie

Oh, sorry, my bad. I completely forgot! Ikr! Old age will do that… ha… ha… ha… ha… and we laugh and carry on with whatever we were discussing, as I try to grab onto keywords, repeat them, and try to follow the conversation. “Don’t worry I do it all the time” is the usual response…. Do you though?

Is your life also a list of repetition and reminders for every single thing? Do you also wonder every morning – Did I wash my hair yesterday? Did I really drink my meds? Have I had breakfast? – not just sometimes but the whole fucking time? Do you also forget what the fuck you were saying while you were still busy fucking saying it? Do I get confused AF? Shit yeah! Am I a master of disguise and at brushing things off? Shit yeah!

As soon as I relax and try to have a good time, I lose the thread, I lose conversations, and I lose what was said or done. Just a… fuck, I can’t even call it a void, because most of the time I’m not even aware that there should be any memory at all. Sad, isn’t it? Well fuck, I’m sitting here pissing my eyes out, so I guess it has to be sort of sad. If you’re a ‘normie’ just stop reading because this is for my tribe, my village, my brothers and sisters…

I am also not going to give any ‘helpful’ info on how to improve shit… sorry, you can literally find millions of motivational, helpful articles and blogs about TBI on Google. This is me… a survivor, a warrior, telling all you survivors and warriors out there, that IT’S OK. It’s Okay to sit and sob our eyes out. It’s okay to mourn all we’ve lost. It’s okay to be pissed off at all the things we can’t do anymore. IT’S O.K.

I realise it’s also okay for me to break down. To sometimes not see the positive, but to be honest and say… no fuck scream – THIS IS FUCKING UNFAIR AND FUCKED UP!!!! Do I fear the future? Fuck yeah! I’m scared AF!!! Guess what? It’s still okay to even be scared.

But… I’m done bitching and feeling sorry for myself. Apologies. But I do feel better and just want everyone to know it’s OK. to sometimes lose the plot. We all do it, and fuck, I think even “normies” do it from time to time! I’m now going to wipe my tears, shower, put on those big girl panties, and seize what’s left of the day!

Stay beautiful. Stay awesome. And if you’re struggling to do so today, it’s O.K……as long as you remember that you are! Always.