Some days, like today, I get the real feeling, lurking behind the words “I’m done”. I know…I know. Many people, including me, use this phrase a lot, especially when pissed off, or just fed up with the way things are going….but some days, those words has an all too realistic aftertaste with a ring of truth. Today, I can say it and mean it. I’m done…
Please, this is not a suicidal meltdown in any way 🙄 This is just… a feeling of, I don’t know, exhaustion? You understand? Survival instincts and the will to live, is part of our make-up as human beings. I don’t feel that way on days like today. In fact, I would comfortably welcome Death with a bear hug, like an old friend. I’ll even make a cup of coffee and have a bit of a chat, before we leave. In a nutshell, I’m trying to describe what I’m feeling, instead of that survival instinct! I’m always busy with thousands of projects, for example… making 3 matching infinity bracelets and pendants, for me and my daughters. Everything designed and materials chosen (beads, flat rocks to be grinded an polished etc.) but, put aside for another day…little clay figurines I made, started painting them, and then put aside for another day…2 champagne classes, my mother bought a week before she died, to celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary the next month…I would like to paint them in a style, I know my mother loved. I don’t think my daughter realised the significance of those glasses when she tore open the dusty, 20 year old packaging 😳 Well, at least they are now out of the box, and put aside for another day….and the list goes on and on.
I was never like this you know… Not being able to concentrate or focus always leaving things for later…. I was a manager dammit! I used to …to manage things. I would work right through the night, shower, go straight to the office and continue working until a project was done! I never missed a deadline and were proud of it! I hate what I’ve become! I hate that I’ll never be like that again. I hate that I’ve lost all friends, because I’m not the same. I hate forgetting words. I hate that I forget what I’m saying, while I’m fucking saying it. Oooooh and I HATE every single person who says, “Don’t worry, it happens to all of us as we get older…”🤬 No Karen!!! You’re nearly 20 years older than I am…you gradually got to the point where you are now, you did not wake up one morning, instantly realising your memory is now up to shit! Fuck you Karen, because even if you’re 20 years older than I am, my Neurologist says, that most of her patients in their 90’s, still have healthier grey matter than mine!!! 💥 Mission accomplished… there’s that irritated bubble of aggression and agitation, I’ve come to know… I guess it’s better than that other little voice hissing in my ear, Why still do it? Why do anything? Nothing matters anyway…
Since I’m feeling better?? I think it’s time to take a stroll through Facebook and find a couple of anti-vaxxers and conspiracy, tinfoil hat owners! Ask them for some legitimate proof, other than screenshots of newspaper articles or screenshots of Twitter and Facebook posts🙄And of course, you know what happens when they can’t provide answers or proof…that’s correct…their Karen’s come out to play…and I think, I have a couple of things to say to her😉 OMW!! I think I missed my calling. I would have been one legendary Troll on social media…Who knows? Maybe I will be one day…but first, let’s put that idea, aside for now….I can always think about it more on another day…
❤🤗