The past couple of weeks have been interesting (in the weird. way), confusing and sort of happy…happier than usual? Either that or I am having one kick-ass, stretched-out acid flashback from my teenage years😉 Of course, this all just lead up to days like today where emotions, excitement, anger and agitation reaches the brim and start spilling over the edge. How does one get rid of these emotions? Thát, is a question, I battle to find an answer for……
On days like today, it seems as if though all emotions, have melted into a huge twisted monster, that chases me to just DO something…..fuck, anything, as long as I get rid of some of the tension in my head……and when that monster catches up to me, it makes me do things on impulse, making risky, bad decisions, and sometimes even dangerous mistakes …Someone told me the other day I have to re-calibrate my ideas around: what is fun, what is good, what I love….Seriously? How, the fuck, do I do that? I still love the things I used to, but my shit for brains, brain, can’t handle the things I love, anymore. So, does this mean, I should become someone that I used to loathe, doing things, I used to hate (and still do)? What if my idea of fun, has always been sort of bad decisions, made on an impulse and sometimes turned out dangerous? The only difference now, is that I have no tolerance, no control, no judgement, no shame……in other words, nothing to hold me back….
Ahhh, but I do, don’t I? I have two beautiful girls and TBH, they are my saving grace, so to speak. Some days I’m grateful for that, other days…..I feel like today, I feel like exploding, to get rid of this mess in my head. Don’t get me wrong, I still manage to do some pretty irresponsible, impulsive shit😏and should never be left to my own devices, as I’ve seen once again the past few days😅
“I love everything
Cradles – Sub Urban
Fire’s spreading all around my room
My world’s so bright
It’s hard to breathe but that’s alright
Hush”
First to comment yet again 😂