Sitting in bed on a lazy Saturday. Awesome weather outside…overcast gray heaven, not too hot, not too cold, beautiful view from my bedroom window…perfect! Playing around on YouTube and discovered a channel with young guys reacting to vintage songs🎶…just my type of music, being ancient and all 🙄 I’ve watched them reviewing some Janice Joplin, Guns ‘n Roses, Phil Collins…and many more. Old songs taking me back to various parts of my past, filling me with memories of happiness and sadness…
And then….they play a song filling me with so much emotion and memories from various stages of my life. The only way I can explain the song is that it’s literally a bucket filled to the brim with raw emotion, spilling and overflowing with…my life! Just a small town girl… Livin’ in a lonely world…She took the midnight train goin’ anywhere…F@ck “Don’t Stop Believing” – not only performed by Journey… but my journey! All of a sudden, I am diving deep into memories of my previous life, remembering friends and adventures, turning my Saturday into a day of reminiscing melancholy…drowning in a pool of yesterday.
You see it’s difficult to explain, and I know that I just loose all you, ‘normies’ as soon as I try to put it into words….My personality is MIA, my working and short-term memory is up to Sh*t, but a lot of my long-term memory is still intact (even more vivid) and the feelings experienced with it, but belonging to a different person…the Queen. The same experiences now, will not give me the same feelings and emotions, because I am a different person. You see, I lost you already, am I right? 🥴 In short, it is those feelings and emotions I miss, not the experience per se, you know what I mean? I miss feeling excitement, best friend camaraderie and naughty shenanigans… happiness😔
I lost so many of the “feelings” I always associated with songs…You know what I’m talking about? Everyone has various songs in the library of their mind, that will immediately transport them to a significant time and place in their life connected with certain emotions. I did however keep a few of those songs (No “Normie” – I don’t know why or how…It just is🤷🏻♀️) and Don’t stop believing is one of them! I am grateful for that 💚 I am even grateful that I can sit here today… with awesome weather… teardrops slowly escaping from my eyes…rolling silently down my cheeks…smiling and remembering my past.
