Watch this Space

It’s a cool, slightly overcast morning(best weather ever in December!), my meds are starting to kick in, I’m listening to an awesome playlist on YouTube and life is just fucking awesome!! Love feeling like this and I’m soaking up every moment because I don’t know how long it’s gonna stay before it disappears into the next sticky, black hole of depression…woohoo…can’t wait.

That’s what I love about music! That power it has to pick up your mood with a couple of words and chords! I actually hate this time of the year and for those who don’t know, 1)it’s nearly Christmas and 2) tomorrow will be my re-birthday. Christmas is just a fucking day where all the lonely souls are reminded about the things they don’t have. Not material things, but things like family, loved ones lost, and all feelings like heartbreak, despair and loneliness, seem to be intensified a 1000 fold! Urgh…fuck okay. Sorry had to change the playlist….that good mood was dropping like a lead ball and turning into a dark black mass…

Oh and then my re-birthday….and this is something normies can not understand! Yes, it’s a sad day, but also the day my brain was changed forever and I became a different personality. Normies love saying stuff like “Stop thinking about it, it happened a while ago and it’s time to move on…” But that’s the thing though, isn’t it? It’s not something that you can move on from. It’s the origin of the person I am today, and yes there’s a lot of the old me still present, but enough has changed to make me into a entirely different person. Some of the changes I kind of like, others not so much. The thing is as the years go by and new neuro pathways come into existence, a person keeps on changing…much like a kid growing up I guess🤷‍♀️ But after 6 years, I’m doing way better and coping. It’s impossible to explain. I’m an adult female with adult biological needs and desires. I’m in desperate need of nurturing love and also some looking after…but with no real adulting skills anymore? It’s a bitch trying to explain and I don’t want to explain it anymore. Just take my word for it – There’s a shitload of evil, bitter, unsympathetic people, my age, out there and I learned the hard way, that they don’t give one fuck to try and comprehend….so yay for me I guess. It seems as though I’ve finally learned that lesson this year, and can now move forward and grow some more. It feels like a race that I’m desperately trying to finish before my time runs out…

Ah, and then another year is coming to an end. 2021 was much the same as 2020 and I suspect 2022 will be more of the same shit. Another year to look forward to my own company, living in silence and loosing my mind bit by bit…OMW!!! It’s the fucking playlist again. Sorry. What I meant to say was that I have a goal, Several in fact and I am going to do everything I possibly can to reach them. Watch this space. Have a wonderful Christmas and not too chaotic new year❤